How To Deal with Life When it Throws You Curveballs!

Taking back control generally requires a level of knowledge, planning and action. However, life is not all about control, sometimes life needs to be generally about letting go of control to refresh and re-calibrate. Especially seeing as life has a knack for throwing curveballs when you least expect it. That is why today, I want to write to you about actually learning to let go, as holding on to something, and trying to control every aspect of your life is only going to land you in a depressive state or full of anxiety.

Over the past week, in fact, over the past two months, I have had to let go of a whole heap of things, including an identity I had built up for the past nine years. Which is not something that is easy to let go of, and moving towards the unknown can bring up all sorts of emotions, emotions that generally you are not able to control. As emotions are primordial, they are connected to our flight and fight, where ten-thousand years ago, it was either run away from a sabre tooth tiger or protect your young children from a stalking predator.

Unfortunately, if you are not emotionally intelligent, it is hard to discern and make out what is fear, what is anxiety, what is stress or what is nerves, excitement or a mix of all. I will save emotional intelligence for another article, because I could go on a whole tangent about that, in fact I may write a series about emotional intelligence.

But what I want you to understand is that you have to learn to be able to let go of many things in life, including emotions, identities, relationships, businesses, careers, money etc.

Letting go is difficult though, as it is a sign of quitting, you could be afraid that you may be seen as someone who didn’t leave everything on the table, you could be shunned from social circles for letting go of a relationship that was harmful…

The list could go on, letting go, can sometimes be harder than holding on to the remnants of the known!

Especially in our modern day where GRIT and Hard Work, or HUSTLE, have become buzz words that the media throws out to make us feel something, generally to make us feel bad for not working harder.

You listen to a motivational speaker and they will throw out these words quite often, but not many westernised speakers or thinkers have given enough credit to being able to let go and just go with the flow of life. Due to the fact that it is the opposite of their own philosophy, the very opposite of what they are trying to sell you, because for you to be motivated, you need to work hard and not quit.

You need to be the one to work from dawn to dusk and hustle hard, so that you can get a semblance of control back in your life, so you can beat the system or “the rat race.”

However, letting go requires you to stop, it requires you to reflect and look backwards at memories that can sometimes be truly traumatising. Some memories could bring up that flight or fight response, it is so powerful it could leave you paralysed with fear!

When it gets to that point, you may not be able to do it alone, and that is when a councillor or psychiatrist may be able to help, as you just might not be able to let go of the past without strategies to do so. We are not taught how to let things go, not really, we are actually taught to keep moving forward, to suck it up and get on with your day.

Which is why I wanted to talk about how I have been able to learn to let go of things from my past, which has helped me to move forward and become a much more emotionally intelligent and less stressed individual. Not to say that I don’t feel stress, we need stress to keep us moving forward and for change, but letting go helps you to manage your stress so that anxiety and depression is not a constant in your life.

1. Write down your memories, whether they have been brought up from something happening in your life or maybe it has just happened to you. Journal about how you feel about the experience, what made it traumatic and put yourself in the other persons shoes if there was someone that brought on that experience. Ask WHY?

2. Talk to someone about it, someone who is a family member or friend. Being able to talk it over, may shed some new light on the scenario or the experience. It may make it seem less daunting.

3. STOP! Just be in the now, stop what you are doing right now, take in five deep breaths and with each breath out, expel all of the air until you have none left. Another way is to actually take in your surroundings, rather than just pass things by, be curious about the things around you.

4. Which leads to my last point, BE CURIOUS and let wonder enter your mind on a daily basis! Children, especially young children, are generally always happy and worry free. Due to the fact that they see everything in a different light. They do not just see a tree on the footpath, they see a place to climb and play. They see the flowers blossoming in spring, they see a fantastical world, full of new things and adventure. The spark of adventure and curiosity is what can keep your mind young, which means you will need to STOP to allow your adult filter to stop running, because who can be curious if you are thinking about the next thing all the time.

I am sure there are multiple other strategies that can help you to let go, but I have found these to be the best and healthiest way to do so.

I truly hope that this has helped in some way, it has helped me in my life up until now, but if you have something else you use as a strategy, please I would love to hear about it.

Until next time,

Take Back Control

(I am no psychologist or psychiatrist, I am no doctor, but I have a good level of general knowledge from having a curious mind and from being taught through many mentors in life and through reading books. I just wish to pass on my knowledge, so I hope this can help you as it has helped me.)